Years ago when she was battling she asked to borrow money from me and I declined. Then, when I needed it most she loaned me a car. I still remember the evening I sat in her office and she didn’t ask for much, but I declined. Cold and heartless. And years later, she could help me, and with out even asking her, she offered.
A chair exists but it doesn’t live, it merely takes up space. I now took up space. I was merely an object. My vessel was so empty that I felt nothing. Nothing made me smile and nothing made me cry. Emotional darkness. Dark and cold.
It feels like I was just a sperm donor. In fact the best man at my wedding even warned me and said that once she had had her kids she would toss me away.
…my heart was crushed. I screamed, but no sound came out. I cried, but no tear fell.
“you will meet a woman who will be very educated, work with children and be charitable. She wont believe in G-d as you do, but she will honour your beliefs and keep a kosher home. Before your 35th birthday she will give you a daughter named Sarah. You will have two more children, a son and a gift.”
I locked myself in my room and went through my medication. I found one with a low lethal dose and proceeded to take them, one every twenty minutes, so I wouldn’t vomit them up.
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