I’ve been hospitalized for attempts before. I’ve been put on medications to help the depression… the mental disorders that doctors are so quick to diagnose. I’m sick of it all.
And as i write this i realize how long it’s taken me to find the words and i can feel my lungs hurt and my eyes are blurry and hurt and i am tired of putting myself in dangerous situations just to feel alive and real and I’ve spent so much time trying to convince myself that my heart is beating because i am alive and real and human and sometimes when i can hear it beating and i have my fingers on my neck to check i get a glimpse of what it’s like to remember what it feels to be alive
The material provisions you spoiled me with could not do that. And I was alone all the while, despite the fact that we laughed together and had gist as a family. Then came the last straw that broke the camel’s back.