This note was read out by a US State Treasurer on live TV after being sentenced to 55 years for corruption.

I’ve been hospitalized for attempts before. I’ve been put on medications to help the depression… the mental disorders that doctors are so quick to diagnose. I’m sick of it all.

My eyes reflect my misery
Of the darkness deep within,

No more I will pay the bills. No more I will drive the car. No more I will wash, iron & mend any clothes.

I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know.

And as i write this i realize how long it’s taken me to find the words and i can feel my lungs hurt and my eyes are blurry and hurt and i am tired of putting myself in dangerous situations just to feel alive and real and I’ve spent so much time trying to convince myself that my heart is beating because i am alive and real and human and sometimes when i can hear it beating and i have my fingers on my neck to check i get a glimpse of what it’s like to remember what it feels to be alive

I hurt so bad inside! I want it all to go away. I want a new beginning. I am not afraid to die mom. I’m just so afraid of tomorrow!

The material provisions you spoiled me with could not do that. And I was alone all the while, despite the fact that we laughed together and had gist as a family. Then came the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

I am collecting suicide notes and I am going to start posting them here. Not for me, but for you.