I was a child and you abandoned me,
you tormented me, you beat me.
A broken heart is how I grew,
and this is the conclusion that I drew,
that love is not what I deserve,
that I have no value or worth.
Time went by and I matured into a man,
but no matter what, I had no life plan.
A path of destruction I walked alone,
where my head rest I was never at home,
hating the world and all within it,
until in a cell I would finally sit.
I decided there and then I needed a goal.
to turn around and rebuild my broken soul.
I set my eyes on Ya’weh true,
asked for guidance on what to do,
he molded me into a young man,
and one night told me his plan.
A woman I would meet was in store,
with angelic children for me to adore.
I found her, and took her as my wife,
believed that she was meant to be my life,
two beautiful daughters I held in my arms,
and no temptation had such charms.
But all was destined to fall apart,
tear me to pieces and break my heart.
She never even loved me, she had no care,
she wanted children, that’s why I was there,
to take while she could then cast me aside,
what happened to my beautiful blue bride.
HaShem gave me a gift, as he promised true,
then took it back, I had one deed left to do.
Locked in my room, my mind went blank,
fuck you god, there is nothing to thank,
the pills went down one by one,
and never again will I see the sun.
I died that night, this I believe,
for I woke up in hell with no relieve.
It all went to shit, nothing was the same,
as before I died, life was more tame,
I struggle each day to accept my fate,
looking forward to the time I am late.
People have turned and pointed a finger,
and the darkness has loomed, stayed to linger.
Count my friends, count my allies,
one less, one less … I hear the lies,
watch them drop away and depart,
leave me more broken and with less heart.
I have grown to deny and to distrust,
nothing left of me … but the crust.
I wander aimlessly in the darkness of my mind,
wary and cautious of who I might find,
that I wake up with a dagger through my chest,
and find that god's plan was all in jest.