Gender in Dating
Posted in : Philosophy on by : ks
It was late in the evening when I got the email. It was from a good friend and the email blindsided me. With a long drawn out explanation about gender; biologically, mentally, genetically, and so on. It was a TLDR message, but I read on, as I found it very insightful.
Then he came out and send it. “I am transitioning into a woman.”
This was many solar cycles ago, and I have had many years to think and process this. And don’t worry SJW’s, I didn’t reject him, I mean her. I simply asked, if she, would be the same person that I have grown to love. The reply was “Yes”. So I didn’t really feel pro or against this.
I replied back: “Cool.”
To say I didn’t care, doesn’t mean I didn’t care about her decision to be who she truly was. I didn’t care if she was a man or a woman in the same sense that I don’t care what shirt you are wearing.
I am not interested in a person for their outward appearance, I only care about what’s inside. I care about who they are as a person. Male, female, young, old, black, white, gay, straight, trans. It all means nothing when it comes to my deciding if I like them or not.
Many people put so much emphasis on these labels, and I simply just don’t care about them. Are you a good person? Can we get along? That’s it.
I’ve been to gay bars and a gay pride parade. To me, I don’t see a gay bar, I see a bar. I don’t see a gay pride parade, I see an awareness campaign. I have had guys hit on me, and I simply say I am not interested. They offer to at least buy me a drink anyway, I accept, and in many circumstances, good friendships were forged.
Do I care that they are gay? Not in the least. Not one part of my psyche cares at all. I just see them as another person.
So people ask me, “Are you straight, bi or gay?” My answer is “None of the above. I have a preference. I like breasts and I like the vagina. I like long nails, long hair, preferably red. I like freckles and I like green eyes.” Does this mean I will only date someone who meets all those criteria?
No! They are preferences, not requirements.
So to the subject at hand: Would I only date someone who is not born a heterosexual female? I don’t know. Probably. I haven’t been in the position where I needed to consider this.
But I know so many people who considered themselves heterosexual, and then they met that one person. That person who made them play with their hair when being spoken to.
Chatting to a lesbian couple once, I asked them how they met. The one lady told me, “We met here in this bar and I asked to buy her a drink. She replied by saying she wast straight. I told her that so is spaghetti until you get it hot and wet.”
And that was all it took. All she had to do was make her laugh and that broke the ice, and they looked so happy together.
So what does it take for you to break the line of social norms? Is it wrong to define us with labels and say, “I am a straight white male!”, or is it more complicated than that?
I want you to do a thought experiment. Imagine you had met your perfect match online, but you did not know their race, their gender or their sexual orientation. You didn’t know what they looked like. No photos had been exchanged.
Imagine you were madly in love with this person, and then came the day where you finally got to meet, and they were exactly the opposite of what you were expecting.
I want you to really put a lot of effort into this thought experiment.
How would you process this outcome?
This is something I have been thinking about for many years…